GOODBYE 21

I think I’ve become one of those people who can’t go ahead in life without giving credit to God, and to be honest, I love it! I used to look at them and think, “You guys are doing too much.” I no longer think that way because I’ve come to the unshakeable truth that if not for God, I wouldn’t be here. That truth has become to me as real as the fact that my name is Uchechukwu or that I’m a girl. Simple as that.

So 21…

I can remember vividly the day I turned 21. I had only one birthday wish/prayer, which God answered and exceeded my expectations in the process. Then, you couldn’t convince me that God wasn't GOOD and more than that, the best Dad.

But life happened and with the rest of the year, there were sometimes I loved God more than ever and knew that I couldn’t do life without Him; I felt His love too so potently and there were other times that I grew suspicious of Him, I began to wonder if He did things with ulterior motives, if He was only good because there was an impending “evil” waiting to happen. Silly, I know, but at the time, it was the realest thing to me. I was confused and couldn’t understand anything.

If there was one thing I learned early on in my walk with God, it’s that God is not the author of confusion in any way, shape or form. If there’s something I am confused about, it’s most likely that that thing didn’t come from Him.

God is not the author of confusion.

And with that truth, I had to go back to the drawing board. Where had I lost it? When did I start doubting that everything God allowed, He would use it for good as long as I remained surrendered? If I were honest, the confusion started when I pulled back a bit. It was the subtlest thing, and even I didn’t notice, but for a brief moment, I had stopped seeking His heart and fellowship with God had become more a routine than an intimacy.

With that, I had given myself room to doubt God’s goodness. Something I learnt was that God never changes; it’s us who do, and with that, our views become warped in the process. Thank God for His mercy, though because that phase was short-lived.

Twenty-one also came with challenges in school. There was something one of my lecturers said that still rings in my head to this day: “Med school will neutralize you.” When he said it, I thought I had seen the worst of it; boy, was I in for a ride.

I started 2025 by dumping everything I was supposed to be involved in and went all in with my academics because my professional exams were coming up, and I wanted to be excellent at that. We were supposed to write it in March, but it was moved to April which in hindsight, bless God for but at the time, it irritated me. I wanted it to be done and over with. If only I knew what was in store for me.

I read and read and read, and with all the reading, there was always this small voice in my head that told me I wasn’t doing enough and I wasn’t fit to be in school, least of all med school. It was a big fat lie.

PS: If anything has traumatized me throughout my journey in school, it’s my academics… just putting it out there because 😢😢.

I never had this problem growing up; in primary and secondary school, I was book smart. Everyone looked at me and saw someone who was intelligent and not going to lie, there was a bit of pride (and overconfidence) that developed from that. I thought it wasn't going to be different here. Spoiler alert, it was.

And this isn't me glorifying the struggles of med school, I made a lot of mistakes that on reflection, I wouldn’t make more of going forward, and I had to learn from them if I had to be better and move on. I’ve learnt my lessons now.

During that period, as with everything, I went back to God and asked Him to give me an anchor, something that would hold me throughout the course of these exams. In His mercy, He led me to Daniel. Before this, I knew of Daniel, but didn’t know the intricacies of His life till I read the entire book, but Daniel 1:17 was (is) a verse that I held on to like no other;

“To these four young men, God gave knowledge and understanding of all kinds of literature and learning. And Daniel could understand visions and dreams of all kinds.”

I never knew God was invested in academics until I read this scripture. I knew He cared about every detail of our lives, but what if academics wasn’t as deep as the other aspects? That was another place I put a limitation on God.

I repented and carried this scripture like it was said to me because I believed it was, and anytime I felt a lack of understanding or the silent whispers that screamed “imposter syndrome,” I repeated this verse until it became part and parcel of me. With this experience, my faith was strengthened like never before, and my knowledge and scope of God broadened. God really does use EVERYTHING. EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

The exams came and hmm… I don’t want to go into the nitty gritty; how you come out of the hall and hear some of the things you did wrong and how it felt like those things were going to define the outcome of the exams but with everything, I knew that God was in control and Anatomy, Physiology, Biochemistry and Community Medicine weren’t bigger than my God and they were never going to be!

To the glory of Him who promised, the results came out three days later, and I passed. When I saw the pass, I remembered something I had heard during a CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Association of Nigeria) meeting: "God can be trusted to keep covenant."

If you don’t get anything from this entry, get that to your core, meditate on it until it becomes part of you.

God can be trusted to keep covenant.

And I knew that indeed life without God was no life worth living at all.

Twenty-one brought other great things, there was a new blooming in my friendships―also a pruning, but well, story for another day, I started walking more in what and where I knew God was calling me to; writing-wise and content-wise and most importantly, identity-wise.

If my identity wasn’t rooted in solid ground, none of it would have come to fruition, and forever, I continue to say, thank You, God.

I’ve been sitting in 22 for about 6 days now, and it’s been beautiful. Defining truths have been opened to me, God is still carrying me on strong and every day, I’m awed by the intentionality He shows in every stage of my life and the lives of people around me, especially in the littlest things that we overlook as random.

To end this of, I’m glad to be back writing, it’s been over six months since I last wrote on here and I have missed writing like this―candid and real―and more than anything, I hope this has blessed you and it causes you to reflect in one way or the other.

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ANNOUNCEMENTS (please, biko, ejo, dan Allah, don’t overlook this section)

• If this entry blessed you in any way, please click the red heart below, share this to your friends & family and continue the conversation in the comments or the contact tab below. I’d love to hear from you, no matter if the conversation is related to the entry or not.

• I recently started a YouTube channel, and it’d mean a lot to me if you supported my journey. Here’s the link: www.youtube.com/@uchethewriter

• The schedule for my blog posts will now be once every other week. I’m trying not to overwhelm myself so as not to burn out in the end.

• I am republishing Redeemed, iykyk. This had to be done, and subsequently, I’ll talk more about the why and let you in on everything that happened to lead me to this decision, but in the meantime, you can be a part of the behind-the-scenes of this journey: instagram.com/uchethewriter_

•If you’re like me and love fictional stories (romance particularly), you’d enjoy my Substack publication, His Word, My Heart. Rumour has it that God uses fiction too, so who am I to stop you from binging on all the stories on there 😉: https://uchechukwukeke.substack.com

Thank you for being here.

Much love,

Uche 🤍