"I Want To Fly..."

...a journal entry.

A couple of days back, I woke up with a feeling I couldn’t articulate and the more I sat in that feeling, the only words I could use to describe it was flying. Hear me out…

I think it is not uncommon to hear a child say that they want to fly but as someone who is grown, if you say that out loud, people will give you the “this one dey craze” look and fair enough to be honest.

When I told one of my friends, his words were, “It’s like injury is hungrying you oo, you’ve not gotten injured in a while,” and I laughed because it was funny but it didn’t stop the feeling from festering.

Now, a few days ago, I finally decided to listen to Sondae’s most recent album after a number of friends had told me about it. I was on my way to school and played it. Tell me why the first song on that album is Fly Away and why it perfectly captured the feelings roaming inside me.

There’s this bond you develop with someone or something when you know that you’re not the only one feeling the things you’re feeling inside and someone gives you the words to express the things going on inside you.

Anytime I hear the chorus, that feeling comes back. It goes:

Take me up

To the lights

Let me fly away with You.

Can you imagine someone literally singing your thoughts back to you, it was unusually canny and some would say coincidental, but I don’t believe in coincidences as you may know if you read my works so I know it was God in His infinite goodness impressing the desire to listen to the album on my heart at that time. The way He cares about the littlest details…

Well, for Him to sing that song, I know that we—Sondae and I—are not the only ones who may have had such a desire at some point in our lives.

Days leading up to that day, I had been weary, school had (and has) been tiring, and I wasn’t having periods in the day where I could just worship, or listen to a sermon. My writing was suffering, content creation was suffering, friendships were suffering, sleep was suffering, and even in school, I felt dull. I wasn’t understanding things and when my mates were answering questions, there was just this “What are you doing with your life feeling” that plagued me.

From all these, you could see that for those days, it was a struggle and when life was slipping from my fingers in my very before, I could do one of two things, escape or overindulge aka make myself go all in, all at once that I burn out and decide to rest for an unreasonable amount of time lol 😅

That day, I was doing my Bible study and this feeling of just wanting to go to God and rest in His warm embrace engulfed me. There was nothing I wanted more than flying to Him and now, it sort of feels illogical to think flying is what would make me go and meet God but in my human mind, since the day of judgment sometimes still feels so far, flying seems easier. It looks like the easiest way but if it was, why haven’t the birds gone to Him yet? There are a ton of factors to consider; gravity, space, thunderous waves, clouds, etc…

But at that moment, I wasn’t thinking of the illogicalities, I was thinking of the possibilities but then since I sadly couldn’t fly, I resorted to prayer and I was comforted…temporarily. When I finished spending time with God, I was back to thinking of all the things I was behind on and all the things that I needed to do, the feeling of wanting to be anywhere but earth came back with a vengeance but what can a girl do? I went on with my life.

Now, writing about it, I can see how someone can think that I was in a depressive state. I wasn’t because I know how that can feel like… This was just me wanting to rest in the bosom of my Dad and letting all the worries and cares of this world wash off of me.

When Jesus said in Matthew 11:28[NIV]: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest,” that was all I wanted. I wanted to be with Him physically and not care that I had a ton of responsibilities to fulfil. I guess as humans we feel this once in a while. There are times (like today), that I am productive and I love it; I feel like I can do every and anything but there are also days like the one I had where all I wanted to do was rest in the presence of God.

If I was still on holiday, I would have scrapped my plans for the day and done that which my heart so desired but I’m not and I can’t just decide I’ll miss school because why? And there are certain responsibilities I can’t neglect just because I don’t feel like doing them.

That day, I couldn’t do all that but what I could do throughout the day was take Jesus with me in as little ways as I could. I could send a quick prayer in my mind when I felt myself begin to get overwhelmed, I could plug my earpods in and listen to Sondae or Nathaniel Bassey or Dunsin or anyone who I knew could raise my spirits with their music, these were little things I could do and I believe Jesus considered the busiest of people when He gave us Matthew 11:28.

As I end this entry, I want to leave you with something to think about. Sometimes, we might not have the opportunity to cancel our schedules or reorder our days and just decide to spend the entire day with God (it’s why Sabbath days are there) but we can and we should incorporate Jesus in the littlest of things as we go about those busy days.

What I didn’t say earlier was after listening to Fly Away for a while, I continued listening to his album (Pilgrim’s Road) and then, I listened to Stand Up (my favourite song in the entire album) and I was uplifted again, it was like I had been refreshed and the knowledge that this was normal came to the forefront of my mind again. It was normal to feel weary and to feel overwhelmed and sometimes, even uncomfortable in this world because we are in this world but not of it. You can’t be comfortable in a place where you’re not of, it’s not possible. No matter how sweet it may be, after a while, you’ll always want to go home.

And for us, home is Heaven, home is Paradise but as long as we are on earth, we tarry because this is where we are being prepared for our actual home.

So when you feel like you want to fly or you want to sleep (I sometimes feel like this as well), or you want to escape or you just want to hide, go to Jesus and in Him, you’ll find the rest your soul is looking for. There’ll be a refreshing and an infilling of your soul.

Much love,

Uche 🤍

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